Of Love and Justice
by Werewolfs-team
Summary: Tired of the pain she feels in her home country, Emma moves with her sister and her husband in none other than ours truly Small Heath: Home of our favorite Peaky Blinders. Emma is hurt and empty but then she meets a certain Thomas Shelby. More pain and more rage will enfold in this racist and sexist world. TommyxOc
1. Chapter I

Chapter I

Small Heath, Birmingham. What a town. I always thought that if I leave America it would be for some place better… This wasn't what I pictured. Smoke everywhere, from the factories, from cigarette, I couldn't make out the difference. At least the people here were decent. Or a tad more decent then in America. There was some staring but no animosity so far. At least, according to my sister, Celeste, there were no lynching or race riots. Only gang related crimes. _Which were better because at least you know you get trouble when you're looking for trouble. I hope you're not looking for trouble here_, Celeste wrote in one of our correspondences. I wasn't looking for trouble. Only justice.

There I was. 10 Watery Lane. My sister's address. The neighborhood looked quite calm. Children playing in the streets. Women cleaning there rugs, flirting with passing working man. Three knocks later, Celeste opened the door. She hadn't changed much in four years. She was a nurse in the War. She went to France to serve and met her now husband there. James Wilson. I never met him but feels as if I know him from the non ending description Celeste would right.

"Do not just stand there like a stranger, sister." 

She takes me in her arms. It feels like home. I don't even realise that I am crying until she brushes my tears off my cheeks with her thumb. 

"You're home, you're alright."

I nod, not sure that my voice would follow.

"I've heard so much about you, it's a pleasure to finally meet you"

Behind Celeste stands a tall man with kind eyes. Kind eyes are important in a man, my mother would always say. Kind eyes but strong arms, to fight when needed. James seemed to check all the boxes. Kind eyes but broad shoulders and strong hands.

"It is such a pleasure to meet you," I said. "And thank you so much for opening your home to me"

"Nonsense, you are family, this is your home." he replied.

Celeste closed the door behind me. The first room was a cosy living room with a roaring fire. In the corner, there was a gramophone playing some kind of jazz. Just beside this room, I could see a small kitchen and just between, a stair going up to the second floor.

"We prepared the spare room for you, I know you would love a quick nap." Celeste said. " James built you a desk. I told him how much you love to wright and sing and he jumped onto it. Isn't that right, James?"

I looked at him. 

"It wasn't too much trouble. I just wanted you to be as comfortable as you could… Considering everything."

I smiled at him and he smiled back. There was a moment of silence. 

"We bought a piano not long ago!" 

Celeste guided me to the living room. The instrument was situated just in front of the window. It wasn't a new thing but I immediately loved it. It showed character and strength.

"We thought you could play from time to time. Maybe even compose something? Like before." 

I do not reply. I can't, my throat is dry and so tight. I go to the piano and touch the old wood. My heart squeezes. Jonah loved piano. He would always make me sit beside him while he played. Would show me how to play.

I looked back at them and cleared my throat.

"Thank you, you didn't have to do that." 

Celeste and James smiles.

"Honey, why don't you show her her room? I need to head back to the shop. I'll see you later."

He kisses her on the forehead. I look away. 

"I'll see you later" he tells me.

I nod and he leaves. Celeste and I look at each other.

"He seems really kind." I say.

She just smiles and I can see how happy she is. 

"Come, I'll show you your room."

Later that night, after dinner, I sit on my bed and look at my room. It's simple, a bed, a dresser and a desk. The room is painted an earthy green with light cream curtains dressing the small window. I look at my suitcase and sigh. I can hear Celeste and James murmuring in their bedroom. My heart sink in my stomach and I grind my teeth to stop myself from crying but I can't hold them back. I haven't been able to for quite some time now. And so I fall asleep crying and swearing to myself that tomorrow will be better.

In the morning, I wake up with the sun. My body can't sleep more than a few hours and so I have the habit of waking up with the sun and start an early day. I made breakfast for the three of us and leave their portion on the table before leaving the house with my notebook and a pencil in my purse. The morning air is crisp and it clears my head. I hear some keys jingling not far and look where the sound comes from. Two houses on the left I see a man with a newsboy cap. He wears a three piece suit that looks quite expensive. A cigarette is hanging on his lips and he seems to struggle to open his door. All of a sudden he looks up directly in my eyes. I jump surprised of his intense stare. I avoid my eyes not wanting to get in trouble from being caught staring. I start walking towards the bakery I saw while coming here. I can still feel his stare on me and I feel a nervous sweat on my forehead. I can't help myself from looking back and he is staring at me. I can't decide if his stare is hostile or not but finally he opens his door and gets in. Well, that was something.

When I get to the bakery, there are a few customers in and I am surprised because it is quite early. A hush land on the place and I feel the eyes on me. I stand in line to order and when it comes to me, the cashier, a smiling lady welcomes me.

"First time I've seen you here" She says still smiling. "You must be Celeste's sister! She told me you were moving with her yesterday."

"Hum… yes." I say thrown off by her high energy.

"Well welcome to Small Heath! It's not much but I'm sure you'll like it here, once you get a sense of it it's not as bad as it seems."

I smile at her nodding my head. I'm not sure I like her.

"What can I get you on this fine morning?"

"Just a croissant please and some tea." 

"Coming right up!" 

She gets me my order and I pay for it.

"Enjoy!"

I thank her and go take a seat at the table nearest to the window. The tea is good and the pastry even better. I look out at people walking to go to work and get my notebook and pencil from my purse. I read the last poem I wrote. Not really good I must say. For some time now, my writing has been dry. Since Jonah actually. Jonah would always encourage me to write. He was one of the reasons for my writing.

I look out the window, trying to clear my mind and stare right in the eyes of this morning's stranger's eyes. His icy blue eyes piercing through my soul. I felt like he could see every thought, every feeling and every crevices of my soul. I didn't realise he was getting into the shop until I heard the cashier greet him. 

"Good morning Mr Shelby." 

Shelby. That rang in my mind… Shelby.

"A loaf of bread, Martha." He said without even greeting her.

I try not to listen in on their conversation, but my curiosity was peaked.

"Another early morning Mr Shelby?" 

Shelby… it sounds familiar.

"Business never waits, Martha. I see you repaired the window. I hope Arthur came to apologise."

"Indeed he did and paid for the repairs also. Thank you Mr Shelby."

"Finn will come around to get the bread."

As he was turning around, I averted my eyes to my notebook and didn't realise he was coming right for my table.

"You are a very curious woman."

His voice was deep and sent shivers down my spine. I looked up at him and was struck by his features. High cheekbones, full lips and hooded eyes. He was handsome, but it couldn't get passed the dread in my guts.

I looked at him but didn't respond. 

"It tends to get quite difficult for curious people around here."

His face was stoick and his eyes were the coldest I'd ever seen. He bent a little closer and whispered:

"I heard a man lost his eyes because of curiosity."

That's when I had a glimpse of the razor sewed in his cap. I understood the message but looked straight in his eyes and smiled. It didn't reach my eyes. He studied me a moment and straightened up. He pulled out a cigarette from a metal box and lit it. He walked towards the door and just before he exited he looked back at me and smiled. Before I could stop myself, I felt a blush rush through my cheeks.


	2. Chapter II

Chapter II

I read about the job offer in the papers and that is why I found myself in front of The Garrison. It was a pub close to the factories and so it would have a lot of patrons which included more tip and I had to make money to help out Celeste and James. They didn't ask, but I couldn't live there and not help out. There was still a possibility of the owner throwing me out because I am black, but like Jonah always said to me: 'The new negro has no fear'.

That's why I opened the door of the pub. It was empty because it was still early to drink, but a man was cleaning the floor. When he heard the door he looked my way and straightened up.

"Sorry mam, but we are closed."

"I'm here for the job offer in the papers" I say my hands fidgeting.

He looked at me unsure.

"It wouldn't be wise of me to hire you mam. The men that come here aren't really nice people."

"I can defend myself, Sir, and I am a hardworker."

"Look, I don't want trouble here, ok? The people here aren't always nice and you are a woman, a black woman at that, it wouldn't be easy for you-"

"With all due respect, Sir, it's never easy for me."

He looks taken aback at my statement. I decided to show him what I can do and take the mop to finish cleaning the floor for him.

"_Been traveling these wide roads for so long_

_My heart's been far from you_

_Ten-thousand miles gone_

_Oh, I wanna come near and give ya_

_Every part of me_

_But there's blood on my hands_

_And my lips aren't clean_

_In my darkness I remember_

_Momma's words reoccur to me_

_"Surrender to the good Lord_

_And he'll wipe your slate clean"_

_Take me to your river_

_I wanna go_

_Oh, go on_

_Take me to your river_

_I wanna know_"

I hadn't realised that I was crying. I put away the mop and brushed off my tears. I looked at the man who had sat at a table during my cleaning.

"Singing always seemed to make the men calmer back home."

"You're from America" He says.

I nod. He stood up and extended his hand to me.

"Harry Fenton, owner of the Garrison."

I shook his hand smiling.

"Emma Thompson."

He nodded his head and sighed.

"I will pay you sixty pounds a week. You will work from six till we close or I say so. Starting tonight."

I couldn't help myself from smiling.

"Thank you so much, you won't regret it!"

"Yeah yeah now off you go."

I leave the Garrison hopeful. At least I got hired. I honestly thought he wouldn't hire me but Small Heath really feel different than America.

When I arrive at the house, James is at work and Celeste is reading in the living room.

"You have a day off today?" I ask her.

I sit beside her and look at the book she is reading. Oscar Wilde.

"I asked off to spend time with you, but you left before I could even see you…"

"Sorry Celeste… I had to clear my mind this morning. But it all wasn't for nothing, I got a job!"

She put her book aside excited.

"Already? See I told you Small Heath was better! What is that new job of yours?"

"It's at the Garrison. I will be helping out Mr Fenton starting today!"

She doesn't seem excited.

"The Garrison," She says. "It's dangerous there Em. You know how I was telling you about gangs? Well the Peaky Blinders are affiliated with the Garrison. It's not safe."

"I can take care of myself, Celeste. Plus, I won't be doing anything wrong so no trouble will come to me."

She shakes her head.

"I'm not worried about you making trouble Emma, it's them. They cause trouble. I would know, they live to houses to the left of ours. Always comes home drunk and at ungodly hours. I am telling you stay away from them… I will make some tea and then we can catch up?"

She gets up to go to the kitchen. Two houses down to the left? That's where I saw Mr Shelby.

"I saw Mr Shelby this morning." I say looking at her while she pours tea in two cups. "Have you ever had problems with them?"

"Never had," She says bringing the tea on the coffee table. "But it doesn't mean we should mingle with them.

I thank her for the tea and sip on it.

"James sees them sometimes at the Garrison after work. I always tell him to avoid that place, but he doesn't listen. Some day, he got in trouble with a man working in the leather factory. He called him negro. James didn't want to get in trouble so he said nothing, but the man was getting violent. The Shelby's interfered and beat the man until we couldn't recognise him he said. Since that day, James holds a lot of respect for them but keeps clear of their way. You should do the same Emma."

"I already got the job Celeste. I gave my word, I can't take it back now. Plus, we need the money and I don't know if others will hire me."

She sighs not convinced.

"I promise I will be careful and I'll try to stay out of their sight."

"That's all I'm asking you to do, Em. I don't want my little sister getting mixed with the wrong crowd-"

"People would say the same thing about us, Celeste."

I stand up and put my cup down.

"Sometimes, we need to think about what our words are insinuating."

I go up to my room without letting her answer. I have to get ready for work.

* * *

**Sorry, that was short but the other chapters should be longer than this. anyways, thank you for the follows and views. Tell me if you like it! :)**


	3. Chapter III

Chapter III

I wore a simple plane dress to work so I wouldn't worry about ruining it. I can't lie, I am really nervous but we need the money and so I walk through the doors of the Garrison to discover the busyness of the place. Men and some women were drinking and talking joyously. I saw Harry behind the bar sweating his ass off trying to answer to every customer. I hurried to his side and answer my first customer.

"A good old beer for me." he drunkenly said.

I found a beer glass and filled it for him.

"How much for the beer Mr Fenton?"

"Free for him Emma, that's a Shelby. Whatever they drink is on the house." he says while serving gin to someone.

"We Shelbys don't pay for booze," he drunkenly says "But I'd pay for a few hours with you hun."

I look at him shocked. Man usually aren't so forward with black women. They usually sneer at us and rape us in a dark alley.

"Not for sale Mr Shelby." I say as I serve another customer.

"Everything is for sale with the right price."

I freeze and look up. The man from this morning and the cafe is standing right in front of me, cigarette in his mouth like he seems to always have.

"Evening Mr Shelby, what can-"

"Whisky, Irish, the bottle in the nook."

And off he is, bringing his brother I presume with him. I look at Mr Fenton perplexe.

"The window right there" he says pointing at my left. "That's the nook."

I nod and take a whisky bottle. I open the window.

"Your bottle Mr Shel-"

He takes it and closes the window before I could finish. I look at Mr Felton. He shrugs and finishes with a drink.

"Is it always so busy?"

"Usually" he says while cleaning some glasses.

"How did you do before you hired me?"

He freezes for a moment and looks at me.

"I had a woman helping me out. She got mixed up with Thomas Shelby and then fled the country. Never heard of her since."

"Sorry about that, i didn't-"

There is a loud bang in the nook and everything stops. The door of the nook opens and Mr Shelby comes out jaw set and with the gaze of a killer. He comes behind the counter and passes me. He takes a whole bottle then turns to Mr Fenton.

"She's new?" he asks.

"Y-yes Mr Shelby. She just started today. It's her first shift-"

"Next time, make sure she knows the fucking difference between Irish and Scottish."

He then turns toward me looks me up and down, then goes back to the nook. Before entering he looks right back at me.

"Oh, I accidentally dropped the bottle on the floor. You better come clean it up before it gets sticky."

And then he disappears right back in the nook. The drop of the bottle was certainly not accidental and I wanted to punch him in the face. I look back at Mr Fenton.

"Could you please direct my toward the mop, Mr Fenton."

He could clearly see that I was fuming. I looked at the rest of the customers and they all averted their eyes and resumed their conversations.

"Call me Harry, Emma." he says while giving me the mop.

I nodded my thanks and then went to the nook. I knock before entering, not waiting for an answer. Inside were the two Shelby brothers. One was doing snow on the table and the other one was smoking. What a surprise. I started mopping the whisky off the floor. I could feel his eyes on me but didn't grace him with a glance. I bent over to pick up pieces of broken glass.

"Evening, Johnny boy" said Mr Shelby.

I straighten up and look behind me. A young man of about my age, maybe twenty-six years old, was standing behind me and it was clear that he was just eyeing my ass.

"Who's this?" he asked winking at me and sitting beside the one doing snow.

"New barmaid" the snow lover said.

The other Shelby was still smoking and I could feel his stare on my face. Tired of it I looked at him and he raised his eyebrow surprised of my sudden movement.

"All cleaned Mr Shelby. I hope you didn't get some on your suit."

He stared at me, not budging. I smiled at him over sweetly.

"Sorry again, Mr Shelby."

As I collected the mop and the broken glasses I heard Johnny boy snicker.

"That's a feisty one, Tommy." he says.

I get out of there tired of their shenanigans. I put the mop away behind the counter and put the glass in the trash.

"You alright, Emma?"

I look up at Harry, he looked concerned.

"I'm alright Harry, thank you."

"You know," he whispered while approaching me "it's better to stay away from the Shelbys. It's bad luck. Some people say their family is cursed. Gypsies their lot. Better to stay away I tell you."

I smiled at him.

"I can take care of myself Harry."

He looks at me uncertain, but he finally nods.

"Well, let's go back to work"

And that's what we did.

The rest of the night passed without too much trouble. I had to clean up some vomit, avoid hands that were too adventurous but it wasn't that bad. I discovered that Harry liked to chat quite a bit, but he was a sweetheart. Always asking if I was okay, making sure that men weren't too inappropriate.

Every customers had left, except for Mr Shelby. He was still in the nook and Harry and I had finished closing the rest of the pub.

"Go home Emma, you did good today."

"Thank you, Harry. Tomorrow at six?"

"Tomorrow at six." he agreed.

I smiled and left the Garrison. It was a bit colder outside and the night was pitch black, except for the light of the forge right next to the pub. I was about to turn the corner, when I heard some men whistle. I looked back and saw a group of five men drinking close to the pub.

"So it is true, good old Harry hired a negro." one of them said.

"And a pretty one at that!"

My heart began to race and I started to walk faster.

"Oh look she thinks she can escape us. No need to run sweetheart, we'll treat you right."

Don't cry Emma, don't cry. One of them grabbed my elbow and I jumped surprised that they were so close. He pinned me to the wall of a nearby building and he reeked of alcohol. His fingers were caressing my cheek and he was so close that I could smell his breath.

"Really pretty you are honey."

His friends laughed and I could feel some of them touch me. On my thigh, my arms and some tried to even grab my ass.

"Please… let me go."

They all laughed when they heard my pathetic attempt at reasoning with them. My voice was so weak but I didn't want it to be weak. I wanted to scream, to fight, but to many emotions were running and it froze me.

"It's okay honey, we won't be too long."

He tried to kiss me, but finally my body obeyed me and I turned my head away from his. It didn't seem to discourage him, he placed wet kisses on my neck and I gagged disgusted. His breathing was heavy and I could feel his arousal pinned against my stomach. A sob escaped me and they laughed. Suddenly, the man wasn't on me anymore, but on the floor, his eyes bleeding from a nasty cut. I heard men fighting but couldn't do anything, my legs gave out and I fell to the floor sobbing.

Everything was a blur. I remember warm hands on me and I tried to fight back but a soft and low voice hushed me, calmed me down. It was so comforting, so deep. The smell of tobacco and whisky invaded my space and my head was spinning. Soon, I could hear the familiar voice of Celeste, I could smell her perfume and I could finally relax and let go.

"Emma, Emma please open your eyes!"

Her voice was panicked. I didn't want her to panicked so I use all my strength to open my eyes. She looked concerned.

"I'm fine, Cil."

I wasn't but I wanted her to believe it.

"If you could show me to her room I could bring her there for you."

This voice was quite familiar too, but not as much and suddenly the smell of tobacco made sense. I looked up and saw that Mr Shelby was holding me in his arms. Ah shit. Cil wouldn't be happy about it. Soon we were moving up the stairs. He put me down on my bed softly and then straightened up. We looked at each other for a while until Celeste interrupted.

"Thank you so much Mr Shelby. I'm sorry for the inconvenience it caused you-"

"It's alright Celeste."

I looked at my sister, she seemed nervous to have him in her house. Mr Shelby, or Tommy like Johnny boy called him, was still looking at me and I could feel Celeste noticing that.

"I'll go then. I'll have a word with James about it when I see him. We will deal with it."

Celeste nodded and without another glance toward me, he left. Once we heard the front door slam, Celeste immediately relaxed. She sat at the end of my bed.

"First day of work and you almost get rape and Thomas Shelby carry you back home-"

"Don't say 'I told you so'-"

"But I told you so Em. Look at the state you are in…"

I try not to cry and try to stand up. My legs were still weak but I was able to make my way to the bathroom.

"Em, talk to me!"

I slammed the door in her face. I couldn't deal with her distress. It was too much. I ran a bath and lay down in it, clothes and all. I stared at the ceiling and once again couldn't hold back the tears. Tomorrow will be better.


	4. Chapter IV

Chapter IV

It's been a week since the accident and Cil wouldn't let me be. Yes, I was assaulted, but some go through worse than that. I can deal with this, it's not a big deal. I work at night and write during the day and it helps. Sometimes, I go to the bakery and Martha keeps me company. She's not as bad as I thought. She can be a bit too bubbly for me, but it's better than to be alone with my thoughts. Something that bothers me though is Thomas Shelby. I haven't seen him since the accident, but I keep seeing men arboring newsboy cap. The symbol of the Peaky Blinders. When I walk down the streets, I can see them looking at me, at the bakery they take turns watching over me. I don't know what their deal is. What did they want? Did they know about the accident? Were they waiting for the best moment to corner me and have a go at it?

I think I'll be sick.

I had enough and that is why I am standing in front of his house. 6 Watery Lane. I knock on the door. I hear shouting behind the door. It opens, revealing an older woman. Her eyes are so piercing she could only be related to Mr Shelby.

"Can I help you?" she asks blowing smoke.

"Sorry to bother you, I am looking for Thomas Shelby." I say with confidence.

She looks me up and down.

"Do you have an appointment?"

I grind my teeth. I have no patience lady.

"I wasn't aware that I needed to have an appointment."

She sighs and instructs me to follow her inside.

"You're lucky, he'll be home soon. Close the door honey." she says as she puts out her cigarette.

She sits down on one of the chairs around the table. I stand close to the front door, not really comfortable around strangers. She looks me up and down again.

"So you're the new girl?"

I look at her perplexe.

"The new girl?"

"You work at the Garrison, right? Dangerous job you got yourself…"

"So they keep telling me."

She squints her eyes and before she could respond the front door opened suddenly and with it a bunch of men entered the house. They were laughing and seemed a bit tired. John and Arthur saw me first and they looked surprised and I can understand. We usually see each other at the pub and it's not like I was particularly friendly to them. There were other men, but I didn't know them until Thomas Shelby entered. His eyes immediately found mine. If he was surprised to see me he didn't let it show. He was smoking, again, and passed me as if he didn't know I was here for him.

"Miss Thompson," said John, "what brings you here?" he said with a grin.

Always flirting this John Shelby. I didn't have time to respond that Thomas was walking passed curtains that I didn't even saw previously.

"This way, Miss Thompson."

I looked at John to explain myself but was again interrupted.

"I don't have all day."

I exhale and then follow him. Behind the curtain was a completely different environment. There were desk everywhere and a big chalk board on one wall. On that board were a bunch of numbers and names. Horse names? Was this a betting shop? That was what the Shelbys were doing?

I followed Thomas to an office in the back. His I presume. He closed the door behind him and sat behind his desk. He grabbed two glasses and a whisky bottle.

"Drink?"

"Oh, no thank-"

He poured anyways. He downed his in one gulp. He lit up a new cigarette and started smoking. He refilled his glass and then laid back in his seat.

"Speak." he says blowing smoke.

He was looking at me with that stare that feels as if he was reading the depth of your being. I sighed and looked away. Calm down, Em.

"Mr Shelby, it seems like some of your colleagues have taken a special interest in me."

He raises his eyebrows.

"Please, enlighten me."

I look at him shocked.

"Are you serious? Everywhere I go, they are there. Watching, observing. I can't breath! Now, I don't know what you told them. I- last week…"

I couldn't speak now, my throat was getting dry. I tried to clear it and continued.

"If your men think they can get a go at me, they- look I don't know what game you are playing Thomas Shelby, but you do not intimidate me-"

"Sit, Miss Thompson."

I look at him shook, but sit anyways. I can't seem to look him straight in the eyes and so I take a sip of the whisky he poured for me. I take a deep breath, feeling the burn of alcohol in my throat.

"Now, my men are not trying to get a go at you," he says, "they are simply looking out for you. It's for your safety-"

"Since when is my safety a concern of your?" I interrupt "If I remember well, you were the one threatening me to cut my eyes because of my curiosity."

He looks at me. It seems like he doesn't like to be interrupted. Oh well, that makes two of us. There was a long silence in which we stared at each other. I could feel myself blush under his gaze, but was too stubborn to look away. I couldn't lie to myself, he was a very handsome man, but I know a lot of handsome white man. They also tend to be assholes, so I won't let him step all over me.

"Your concern is not necessary Mr Shelby-"

"If you remember well, Miss Thompson, I was the one carrying you to your room. I would like to object your previous statement."

"Why are you doing this?"

I couldn't grasp my head around it. We didn't know each other

"I control this city Miss Thompson and this leadership do not tolerate the abuse of women."

I squint my eyes. I was about to repost but he cut me.

"Even if this woman is black. She is a woman nonetheless."

I looked at him, really looked at him. I never realised how his eyes seemed to sink into his skull because of tiredness. Bags were also proheminant under his eyes. This Thomas Shelby was a mystery to me.

"Don't make any promises you can't keep Mr Shelby."

"A Shelby always keeps his promises."

And we cheered.

Later that day, I was working with Harry. He seemed to warm up to me pretty quickly. It didn't take me long to realise that he really needed help. He really wasn't good at cleaning up and so I made it my mission to clean most of the pub on Saturdays so that during the week it wasn't too much of a mess. I found myself really helpful also when men were getting a bit too agitated. I would clean and serve while singing old folk songs or songs my mother used to sing to us. Usually it would calm the men and they would go back to more jovial conversations.

Tonight was the same. For some reason, tonight the men were really agitated. Starting fights with one another and so I jumped on a table and started singing a song, my friends and I used to sing when men were at war. It was a french one, but I was sure the melody would soothe them.

"_Je te laisserai des mots (I will leave for you words)_

_En dessous de ta porte (Under your doorsteps)_

_En dessous de la lune qui chante (Under the moon that sings)_

_Tout près de la place ou tes pieds passent (Close to the place your feet walk on)_

_Cache dans les trous d'un temps d'hiver (Hide in a whole of winter time)_

_Et quand tu es seul pendant un instant (And when you're alone some time)_

_Embrasse moi quand tu voudras (Kiss me when you'll want to)*"_

The room was in a peaceful silence. Everyone was looking at me and that's when I realised Thomas Shelby had just pop in. He was still close to the doors and looking at me intently. I couldn't read his face but he didn't seem happy to hear me sing.

"Miss?"

I look down to see one of Mr Shelby's men holding out his hand for me. I took it and got off the table.

"He wants to speak with you."

I nodded my thanks and joined Thomas where he was standing. People in the pub started conversation again, but I could feel their eyes on my back. Once I was standing in front of Thomas, he looked down at me.

"Whisky, Irish. The whole bottle."

And he disappeared in the nook. I released a breath I didn't know I was holding and hurried with Mr Shelby's bottle. Harry seemed nervous but I patted his shoulder to calm him down.

"All is well Harry."

I smiled at him and he smiled back, less convinced. I open the nook's window.

"Your bottle Mr-"

"Come sit with me."

I was taken aback, but eventually joined him. I could feel Harry's nervousness but brushed it off. I closed the door of the nook and stayed like that for a moment. Breathing slowly before turning to face Thomas. He had already gulp a full glass and was on his second when he indicated for me to sit on the bench. I did just that and he offered me his own glass as he lit his cigarette. I took a small sip and observed him. He seemed on edge… I mean more than the usual.

"Are you feeling alright, Mr Shelby?"

He doesn't look at me but smiles a bit. Well, I wouldn't call it a smile, but since it is Thomas Shelby we are talking about, I would consider it a smile from him.

"My name is Thomas, Miss Thompson. Mr Shelby is my father, who I don't like being compared too."

I nodded.

"Mine is Emma." I said after a beat.

He looked at me quickly and then took his glass from my hands. Our fingers touched and he didn't move for a long time. My hands in his. A shiver ran down my spine and I was sure he felt it, because he squeezed my hands for some time. I couldn't handle it so I freed my hands of his. I could still feel the warmth of his skin and felt myself blush. Maybe he had too much to drink. He probably drank before coming here.

"It had been some time since we heard singing here." he suddenly said while putting out his cigarette. "The last person to have sang here was my the woman I was... seeing."

He downed his drink and I frown.

"Harry told me that."

"Ah, yes. And what else did Harry report to you?"

He looked mad.

"It wasn't like that… I was just asking questions."

This time it was a real smile.

"I knew you were a curious woman."

I laughed at that. He seemed to relax a bit. He was laid back in his seat and a soft curve was present on his lips. Soft, plump lips. I cleared my throat and stood up.

"Well, I should be going. I still have work to do…"

He looked at me with those hooded eyes of him.

"Thanks for the drink."

He nods and lit up another cigarette. I roll my eyes and exited the nook to go back to work.

I was all done with cleaning after my shift and today, being Saturday, Harry had to count the inventory. The problem was that Thomas Shelby was still drinking his ass off in the nook. Harry seemed irritated.

"Now I'll have to wait for him to have his fill and then count the inventory so I'll arrive later than usual and Sherry will have my ass if-"

"I'm sure your wife won't be too hard on you, Harry." I say massaging my aching shoulder. "I can escort Mr Shelby Home. We live on the same street."

"I don't know Emma…"

"It's no problem, really. And, he could be my bodyguard for the journey back home. I know how you don't like that I go back home by myself."

He hesitates a bit and then nod.

"Take care, Harry."

He grunts and I laugh heading towards the nook.

"Alright, Thomas! Time to head h-"

He was passed out on the table. I sigh and approach him to shake him a bit. He jumps up, disoriented then look at me.

"We are closed, Thomas."

"Tommy," he mumbled "only Polly calls me Thomas when she's pissed."

He tries to walk to the door, but loses his balance a bit. I catch him by the shoulders. Strong shoulders.

"Hey, are you alright?"

He pushes me a bit and straighten up.

"Ready to head back?" he says while leaving the nook.

I shake my head discouraged. Men and their pride. I follow him out not before saying a last goodbye to Harry.

***Song: Je te laisserai des mots by Patrick Watson**


	5. Chapter V

Chapter V

I had to give it to him, even if he was as drunk as a skunk, nobody could've guessed it. Thomas Shelby's walk was strong and confident. I didn't realise I was smirking until he called me out on it.

"Are you mocking me, Emma?"

It rang funny. My name on his lips. It was the first time he used it. I liked it. It sounded… precious on his lips.

"I am not, Tommy" I say timidly.

It was still weird calling him by his surname. It was strangely intimate. We were just in front of Cil's house and he stopped, leaning on the door frame.

"Say it again."

I looked at him confused. He was looking at me with such an intensity that I averted my gaze to my shoes. I had to buy a new pair.

"Say what again?"

I look at him. He advances on me and I walk backward. I am quickly stopped by the neighbor's door and am trap between the door and Tommy. My breath gets stuck in my throat and a furious blush creeps up to my cheeks. I am not looking at him but I feel the intensity of his stare on my face just as I feel his soft breath on it. I close my eyes for a second, trying to calm my heart down. It's all too much right now. I looked at Thomas to tell him to back off but got caught up by the soft touch of his fingertips on my lower lip.

"My name," he says "Say my name again."

I gasp when I felt the light touch of his other hand on my stomach.

"Tommy…"

And then he smiled. A real smile and I couldn't look away. It was like his whole face changed with just a smile. My heart sank and I felt its rapid beating. I had to get out of this situation. Just when I was about to get him off, Celeste's door opens to reveal James. Thomas looked at him and slowly let me go. I could see Celeste in the living room and cursed internally. I will hear about this.

"Is there a problem here?" asked James looking directly at Thomas.

He didn't seem bothered by the situation. In fact, he lit up a cigarette and blew smoke as if there was no tension in the air.

"It's fine James, I'm fine."

He looks at me, then at Thomas, and opens the door wider for me to get in. I did, mortified with embarrassment.

"Thank you for escorting Emma back home, Mr Shelby, but it won't be necessary anymore." says James his voice respectful but filled with animosity.

Thomas looked at him with this stare of his.

"Of course."

He put out his cigarette on the doorstep and walked away to his house. James slowly closed the door and turned towards me. I looked at him, trying to be strong even if I felt embarrassed.

"Thomas Shelby is a dangerous man, Emma." James says. "We talked about that…"

I didn't know what to say. It wasn't as if I had seek out Thomas myself. He just… keeps appearing wherever I am.

"I…"

I didn't know what to say. James sighed and looked at Celeste.

"I'm going to bed." he announced.

And he went up the stairs. He looked exhausted. I felt bad to cause him that much worry.

"What was that about, Em?"

I let out a frustrated sigh and sat on the couch.

"I don't know Cil. I'm as lost as you are right now."

"He was pressed onto you, Em." she says as she came to stand before me. "Did you forget about Jonah already? How could you-"

"Do not talk about Jonah, Cil."

My tone was deadly and she stops talking, shocked.

"Jonah was my everything, is my everything. And his death was horrible. You don't need to rub it in my face."

I was about to up and leave, but she stopped me.

"Hey, I'm sorry, ok? It's just… hard. Since you came here, I can't seem to talk to you without you shutting me out. I just want to talk. I want to know how you are doing, little sis. I'm worried and this Shelby man circling around you…"

I look at her shocked.

"Oh you think I didn't realise that he seemed to keep tab with where you're going? I saw Peakys at church last week and I have to say it was probably the first time he stepped in a church also."

I laughed at that.

"He did look out of place." I say

She smiles and sits on the couch. I join her and sigh.

"Honestly Cil, I don't know what you just saw was all about. One day he doesn't even look at me and the next he…"

I look at her nervous. She smiles encouraging me and I keep talking.

"He just does things sometimes, and it makes me… feel things. I thought those feelings were dead after Jonah but whenThomas looks at me, when he talks to me like the way he did tonight-"

"What did he say?"

She seemed worried. I smiled at her. It was a sad one.

"Nothing bad or sinful just… the way he says things or the way he looks at me. Cil, sometimes I fear to fall into his sadness when I'm with him. He is just so full of pain and rage"

She nods at me slowly.

"I think he is dangerous, Em, and -wait i'm not done- this danger, you're attracted to it. You're… craving for something that will make you feel again. It's not bad to want to feel again, you just need to be careful with what you're feeding yourself with."

I look at her and nod. She can be really insightful this sister of mine. I hug her, tight. After a moment she gets up.

"We should go to bed, church tomorrow morning."

I nod and walk up the stairs with my sister. Hand in hand. At the top of the stairs she looks at me one last time.

"You are strong, Emma. Stronger than you think."

We smile at each other and go our separate ways.

The next morning, James, Celeste and I made our way to church. It was always a good time to meet up with our black community. We usually share a meal after the service and it's a great time. I play with the children and try to help out the mothers that deal with their explosive energy all week long. This morning was a rare sunny one. I could see in the distance the children playing outside the church. When we got close they saw us and raced towards me.

"Miss Emma!" they yelled.

I bent at their height and hugged them all laughing.

"We'll meet you inside." said Celeste.

I didn't have time to respond, the children were all telling me about their week.

"At school," said Jacob, James' nephew, "Some kid tried to take my lunch and-"

"I hope you fought back kid."

I knew that voice. I look back and there he was in all his glory. Thomas Shelby. Smoking his everlasting cigarettes.

"Nobody bullies a fighter." he says while stopping in front of us. "Because that's what you are, kid. A fighter."

"Yes, Mr Shelby. I fought back and he gave me my lunch back!"

"That's a brave boy. Now off you go, all of you. I need to speak with Miss Emma."

The children left but not before Thomas gave Jacob a friendly nudge. I straighten up and look at him sighing.

"You always seem to appear wherever I am. I am starting to think that you are following me, Mr Shelby."

He blew some smoke.

"I thought we had that established already."

He smirked and I looked at him. I wasn't smiling. He sobered up quickly and looked up at the church.

"It's been some time since I saw Jeremiah Jesus. Would you say 'hi' to him for me."

"What are you doing, Tommy?"

He didn't respond.

"I never took you for one who loved small talk and I know you're not… what are you doing here?"

He put out his cigarette and took out his cap to pass his hand in his hair. Was he nervous?

"Tommy…"

"I didn't want to cause trouble... Yesterday."

I looked at him, surprised.

"I know your family doesn't want you to interact with me. You guys are good christians, you don't mingle with the likes of the Shelbys."

He didn't say it as an insult, just a fact. I cross my arms, uncomfortable with the discussion.

"I wasn't in trouble Tommy. They were just a bit… surprise to see me in that… position."

I could see him fight a grin and I smiled at his childishness. He took out another cigarette. For God's sake does he ever stop?

"Em!"

I look back. Cil is waving at me from the church's front door.

"Coming!"

She waits for me. I sigh and look back at Tommy. He was smoking again.

"Don't you ever stop?" I ask pointing at his cigarette while walking backward toward the church.

"It's part of the act, Emma."

I roll my eyes and turn around, walking toward the church.

"Why so much attitude, Emma Thompson?"

I don't reply and join Celeste to the church's door. Before I enter I look back at Tommy. He was already gone.

It was maybe one in the afternoon when we made our way back home. James and Celeste were walking a little bit ahead of me. Their hands were intertwined and James was whispering in her ear. My heart sank to see this display of affection. It reminded me of Jonah and I. Us walking down the streets of New York, hand in hand, laughing like there was no tomorrow… turns out there wasn't a tomorrow for us.

"I'll join you guys home later." I say.

They look back at me.

"You're sure?" ask James with a frown. "We were going to make an apple pie with some tea-"

"It's fine, James. Plus, it will give you time to do… whatever married couples do." I say embarrassed.

"Ok, Em. if you insist."

I smile at them and walk toward the canal. I just needed a walk and I needed to catch up on my songwriting. With the sun out, I couldn't miss an opportunity to bathe in it's beautiful light. I saw an old trunk further down and decided to sit there. I got my notebook and pencil out of my purse and stared at the few words I wrote down.

_Long ago, there was this everlasting sorrow_

_Now, every tear brings me oh! so close to you_

I look up at the sky frustrated. Everything I write is about Jonah. I don't want to live that pain anymore. I want to write about life… I look down at my book and starts writing.

_One breath after another_

_One heartbeat later_

_You stand before me_

_Icy blue eyes_

_Captivating me_

"What are you writing about?"

I scream and hold my notebook close to my heart looking at the intruder. Thomas Shelby was standing right next to me smoking his cigarette and looking out at the canal. He didn't seem to care that he scared me shitless.

"Don't you fucking do that again, Thomas Shelby." I say, trying to catch my breath.

"You curse now? That's new... Must be my bad influence."

He thinks his funny! I look at him stunned.

"What are you even doing here Thomas? Don't you have something to do?"

"I do have something to do, but you just happened to be on my way there."

He puts out his cigarette and immediately lit another one.

"It's right down the canal."

Silence. He looks at me.

"Coming?"

And he leaves without waiting for an answer. I watch him go. I shouldn't go, right? He is no good news this Thomas Shelby. But then there's this little voice telling me that I wanted to live. Frustrated I got up, catch up with him and discover his mischievous smile.

"You are unbelievable." I say.

He doesn't reply. We arrive at a dock of some sorts and I can see a man tending to a long boat. He looks up and head towards us.

"Tommy." he says looking at me.

"Uncle Charlie, Emma. Emma, Uncle Charlie." says Tommy.

I smile at Charlie unsure of what to do.

"Pleasure to meet you Miss." Charlie says.

"Likewise." I reply.

"How is she doing today Charlie?"

They start to walk toward a sort of barn. I follow them, obliged. I try not to step in mud, but it is quite a task.

"She's better, Tommy, but she waits for you everyday. Like you put a spell on her or something."

I see Tommy grin. What the hell were they talking about? We entered the barn and I knew immediately what they were talking about. Before me stood a beautiful horse. When Tommy entered it was like she knew it was him without seeing him. She became quite agitated.

"Oh, oh, it's alright. Sshh, you're ok."

Tommy was calming the horse like it was the easiest task in the world. At the touch of his hand on the horse's nose, she immediately calmed down. She was making all those sounds, like she was trying to say how much she missed him. Tommy looked back at me smiling. What a mystery you are Thomas Shelby.


	6. Chapter VI

Chapter VI

I was sitting down in the barn, writing some ideas down while he was taking care of the horse. Thomas had discarded his long coat and vest. I could distinctly see how his shirt hugged the muscles of his arms and had to force myself not to stare.

"Seriously, what are you writing?"

He was now brushing the horse delicately, like he was taking care of a lover.

"Things." I answer vaguely.

He looks at me and I avert my eyes. _Oh, I write about you Mr Shelby. How your eyes seem to see right through my soul and how bad I want to feel your arms right now._ I couldn't really tell him that.

"So you're a writer, then?"

Why did he suddenly want to start a conversation.

"If you must know, Mr Shelby, I am a writer… and a singer."

"Aye. Heard you sing at the Garrison."

He looks at me.

"Would you sing something?"

I frown.

"Now?"

"Yes… for the horse of course."

I shake my head. Men and their pride.

"What kind of song?"

"Something you wrote."

I try to think of something and clear my throat.

"_Romance is dead and done_

_And it hits between the eyes on this side_

_The grass is dead and barren_

_And it hurts between my thighs on this side_

_I could begin to open up and risk desire_

_For I move slower and_

_Quieter than most_

_I grew up too quick and I still forgive too slow_

_Oh I wish there was another way_

_Romance is dead and done_

_And it hits between the eyes on this side_

_The grass is dead and barren_

_And it hurts between my thighs on this side*_"

I don't look at him. I can't. I don't want him to see me like this. A mess. But I can feel his eyes on my running tears. I can feel him approaching me. I see him sitting down at my feet, his back pressed on the wood I was sitting on. He puts a hand on my feet and stay silent.

"It was a long time ago…"

He says nothing. I can feel myself panicking.

"I swear I didn't want it, I swear. I thought I was helping him, he said I was helping him!"

I was sobbing now.

"I was so young, I didn't understand what we were doing. I felt sick, I felt dirty, dead. I felt dead once he kept coming to my room wanting to play. To take care of me. I swear I didn't know-"

"Emma, it's ok. Shh."

Tommy had taken my head in his hands and was kneeling before me. I was trying to get a hold of me, but I couldn't breath.

"I can't breath Tommy. I can't breath since Uncle Joe, Thomas. He took so much-"

"Look at me."

I couldn't.

"Emma, please."

The vulnerability of his voice made me look into his eyes. Those usually icy eyes were so warm. So calm. He caressed my cheek with his fingertip.

"Breathe, love. Breathe."

I try, I can't. He takes my hand and put it on his chest. Right on top of his heart.

"Breathe, just like me, love. Just like that."

And he takes deep breaths. And I try to imitate him. My heartbeat calms down and my breathing matches his.

"Good, keep looking into my eyes, Emma. Hold on."

I do just that and finally calm down. I bite my lip. I can't believe that just happened. It had been a while since I had thought of Uncle Joe. Nobody had known.

"Nobody knows Thomas." I say. "Except my mother and Jonah. We used to play when we were younger and one day he came to play, but I wasn't in the living room. He went upstairs to find me and he did… find me. But uncle Joe was… playing. When he screamed my mother came upstairs and luckily she was cleaning up so she came up the stairs with the broom. She beat him Thomas. Beat him like I'd never seen someone get beaten."

He was listening, closely. Studying me with his intense eyes.

"My father used to beat and rape my mother." He suddenly says.

I look at him shocked.

"For years she stayed with him, even if he was beating us too and she would often be so beat up that she couldn't take care of us. So I did. I took care of my brothers and my little sister. When my mother had Finn, our little brother, Aunt Polly came around and started to take care of us. I didn't like it at first. I thought she would leave us. But she didn't and she's still here today."

I close my eyes trying to hide from his intensity, his pain.

"Family is fucked up," he said. "But when it's time to clean up, to show up, they are always there."

I look at him. He looks at me. His eyes glide on my face and stop at my lips. My stomach clenches. I close my eyes. It's too much. Everything is too much. I feel his forehead slowly rest on mine. We stay like that for sometime. Breathing each other's air.

"I have a bed on the second floor. You can stay there tonight if you want."

I look at him.

"I don't want to go back home. I still need time… to breath."

He nods his head and gets up, extending one hand to me. I take it and follow him up a lather. Up there is a mattress on the floor with some thick covers and a bottle of whisky close to the mattress.

"It's not much-"

"It's all I need right now." I interrupt.

He nods and goes for the whisky. I take my shoes off. I definitely needed a new pair, they were ruined because of all the mud. I take off my coat and hesitate, before taking my dress also, not wanting to get it wrinkled. I slowly turn around, only in my silk black underdress, to see Thomas looking at me with his hooded eyes.

"Fuck."

He takes a long gulp. I let out a shaky breath and extend my hand. He gets it and hand me the bottle. I take a tentative gulp and cough at the strong liquor. I hand it back to him, cleaning the whisky that dropped down my chin.

"I'll leave you to it… There's enough hay downstairs to make up a bed-"

"Stay."

He looks at me.

"It wouldn't be right…"

I look at him hurt. Of course it wouldn't be.

"Of course-"

"No, Emma."

He joins me hastily.

"It's not what I meant… It's just… you just told me about all that. It wouldn't be right of me to take advantage of your state-"

"I don't care." I say "And it's not like… we're going to have sex or anything. I just… I just need you to hold me."

He hesitates a moment and then nod. He takes off his suspenders and his shirt, and he is only wearing his suit pants.

"Your pants will get wrinkly." I simply state.

He looks at his pants and then at me.

"If you wanted me nude you only had to ask."

I roll my eyes and get under the soft covers. He soon joins me and at first he keeps his distance. I sigh and slide closer to him. I slowly put my hand on his naked chest and let out a shaky breath. I tentatively slide my hand down his torso, feeling his abdominal muscles. So firm. I can feel him tense beneath my fingers.

"Emma…"

I look at him. His stare is hungry.

"Sorry." I mumble.

I lay my head in the crook of his neck and take a long breath. He smells like cigarettes and something musky. I like it. I can feel his hand tentatively sliding up my body to rest just beneath my left breast. I feel heat gathering at my center and I bit my lip looking up in his eyes. Even if I can see his desire, I can also see how tired he looks. And so, without me realising it, my hand caresses his cheek and he closes his eyes. I then caress the thin skin covering his eyes before kissing each one of his lids softly.

"Sleep, Thomas."

He opens his eyes.

"It's the middle of the afternoon-"

"I don't care." I say smiling. "Just a little nap… I will be there when you wake up."

He looks at me for a moment and then uses his arm to get me closer to him. I rest my head against his chest and hear his heartbeat.

"Just a little nap." he agrees.

And soon I feel his slow breath in my hair.

I wake up to Thomas breathing heavily. I look at him a moment and, even in the dark light, I can see the frown on his brows. He mumbled something in his sleep and begin to trash. I put a hand on his chest.

"Tommy… Tommy wake up."

He does, but he pins me down on the mattress, his hand around my throat. Squeezing. I can't breath and look at him panicked. His breathing is erratic and his cold eyes are back. But not for long. He quickly recognizes me and let go of my throat. I take a huge breath and cough violently. He sits down on the bed, his back to me.

"Tommy?"

My voice is hoarse, but I don't care. Thomas was not okay. I approach him and put my hands on his shoulders. His strong shoulders were shaking. I was shocked. He was crying. I didn't know what to do so I just sat behind him. Legs crossed and head resting on his back. My hands running up and down his arms, trying to soothe him.

"Breathe, love. Breathe."

And he sobbed silently.

When I got back home, it was after supper. It was night and I was dreading the talk I would get from Celeste. Thomas and I were walking silently in the streets of Small Heath. He was smoking, pensively, and I was looking at him. He didn't want to talk about his nightmares, I could tell. But he worried me.

"Stop looking at me, Emma."

I look straight ahead, bothered.

"I'm not a horse, Tommy. You can't talk to me like that."

He stops walking, but I don't. I can see James and Celeste's door not far. Why was he like that? One moment he wants me and the other he talks to me like I'm shit.

"It's complicated, Emma."

He caught up with me.

"Life is complicated, Thomas, but you don't see me snapping at everyone."

He stops me, a hand on my arm.

"Let's not fight, okay?"

His eyes were pleading.

"You're the one not telling me everything, Thomas."

He sighs and takes his cap off to pass a hand in his hair and put it back on.

"What do you want me to do, hum? Play in your hair and talk about my feelings?"

"You're such an ass."

I keep walking, mad. He catches up with me.

"Go home, Thomas. Leave me alone."

"I am an arse, Emma. That's why I try to hangout with you."

I stop and look at him. He puts out his cigarette and looks everywhere but at me.

"You… make me less of an arse."

I gasped softly and look at my ruined shoes. He needs to stop saying things like that.

"You need to stop saying things like that." I whisper.

"You need a new pair. I'll buy you some."

I look at him, perplexe by his change of topic.

"I can buy some for myself, thank you."

He had lit another smoke and nodded at me. I resume my short walk to my now home. Thomas stops with me in front of the front door and leans on the doorway.

"I'll see you tomorrow, aye?"

I nod and look at him. He extends a hand to me and I take it. He pulls me toward him and I am surprised. He buries his nose in the crook of my neck and slides his hands on my small waist. Without thinking about it, I put my hands in the back of his neck, softly caressing the soft skin there.

"I wish you could come to bed with me."

I bite my lips at his revelation. He really needs to stop saying things like that. He lets me go and I put a hand on the door to help me balance. He looks at me one last time, before leaving for his house. I get inside and find Celeste looking outside the window. She turns slowly to look at me.

"Em, you really don't care about what I say..."

I look at her.

"I'm an adult, Cil. Just like you."

She sighs and I can hear her worry. She sits down on the couch and I join her.

"I know he's not… the ideal man. He… is complicated and dangerous. I can see it from how people fear him. But… he haunts me, Cil. He got under my skin and I just can't seem to brush him off-"

"What were you doing with him?"

Her eyes were accusatory. I was shocked.

"You were gone all afternoon, Em and most of the evening. Where were you and what were you doing? Did he force you to do… did he try to-"

"No!"

I stand up, angry.

"No he did not force himself on me, he did not try to- HE was the one who was rational-"

"What do you mean?"

"I can't believe how you are, Cil!"

I was furious.

"Yes, you heard he was bad news, but you don't know him, ok? You don't!"

She was looking at me, shocked at my outburst. I kneel before her. Taking her hands between mine.

"He… he gets me, Cil. He does and when I'm with him… there's only us."

She looks at me. She was searching for something. Finally she nods.

"Please be careful, Em. If anything happens, you're not comfortable with something, you call me or James. We will come and get you wherever you are. Not questions asked. Is that clear?"

I nod, smiling at her. I hug her real tight and laugh. She would finally get off my back. Or so I thought.

***Song: Romance (edit) by Ex:Re**


	7. Chapter VII

Chapter VII

After that moment between Tommy and I, things began to change. During the day, he would come out of his way to find me. Wherever I was, he would join me and we would talk for some time. We never talked about his nightmares or Uncle Joe but it was there. In the air. Last week, the Shelby Limited Company bought the Garrison. Harry was still working there and was still my superior but the pub was now owned by Arthur Shelby. No disrespect to him, but at least Harry wasn't drunk or high when he was working, which made it less complicated. Arthur would often come in high and would make a mess. It was then up to me or Harry to clean up after him. He also had the tendency of offering free drinks to customers, which wasn't necessarily good for business, but the books never seemed to suffer… It seemed the more I spent time with Tommy, the more my writing was improving and I didn't know what to do with this information. It made me… uncomfortable. Jonah was always the one fueling my writing. But he's not there anymore.

"I think this one would be great on you!"

I am brought back in the moment by Celeste's cheery voice. She was showing me a dropped-waist dress in a deep purple silk.

"And where exactly would I wear this? I can't really wear that to work. God knows it wouldn't last an hour."

"I don't know, maybe a special occasion?"

"I don't have any special occasion."

She looks at me unconvinced.

"Maybe on a date?" she insisted.

I squint my eyes at her.

"What is it, Cil?"

She sighs.

"I am trying to be supportive here, ok? But when is he taking you on a real date, Em? It's been weeks."

I shrug trying to act casual, but I was wondering the same. Even if something had shifted in Tommy and I's relationship, I couldn't really call it a… relationship. He never asked me out or alluded to wanting to.

"Is everything ok between you two?" She asked worried.

"It's fine, Cil. He's just… non conventional."

"What does that mean?"

I smile.

"I don't know."

She rolls her eyes.

"Well I think you should just get it anyways. He has to ask you out at some point, right?"

And she goes right to the cashier and buy it for me. We leave the store, our bags in our hands, and head to an underwear store. We look around for a bit, before Celeste gets it out of her chest.

"I need more sex."

"Celeste!" I whisper, embarrassed.

"You know I love you, sis, but, since you arrived, James has been more than careful and I am sick of it!"

I look at her and laugh.

"I'm sorry, Cil. It wasn't my intention… is that why you want some new undies?"

Her smile was devious.

"Yes. I want him to fall to his knees."

I shake my head and let her choose her pick. I look around, not really looking for something and then I see a flash of deep green satin. I look at it and discover a bra and tap pants. The tap pants were made of almost just lace with a little satin to hide your private bits and the bra was entirely made of intricate lace. I love it. I bit my lip looking out the grand front window and see Thomas Shelby looking directly at me, smoking his everlasting cigarettes. I freeze, embarrassed. I saw his eyes observing the piece of lingerie I was holding, and my breath got stuck. He looks back into my eyes and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He put out his cigarette, tip his cap at me and leaves. Did that just happen?

"Oh, that is gorgeous!"

Cil was suddenly beside me admiring the lingerie.

"You should get it."

And she leaves to go pay for her purchase. I hesitate a bit and then follow her to the cashier.

I didn't know what had possessed me to buy the lingerie. I wasn't married, it's not like I could show it to someone, but Cil kept reminding me that sometimes, a woman needed this to feel better. So I tried to believe her, but Thomas' eyes kept flashing in my mind. And as I was finishing my shift at the Garrison I tried to erase his eyes from my mind. _He hadn't made a move, Emma. He doesn't take this seriously._ And I tried not to let it hurt, but it did. And the walk home was interrupted by a sudden sound. I slowed my walk to try to see if I would hear it again. I did, and it was definitely someone in need of help. It was coming from the alley, just a bit further down the street. I slowly made my way there, and peaked my head to see. On the floor was the silhouette of a man. I could see blood everywhere.

"Sir?"

"Mmm"

The sound was pained, but he was alive. If I was fast enough, maybe Celeste could help him out. She was a nurse after all! I hurried to his side and kneel beside him. That's when my heart stopped. I could see the peaky hairstyle and the highest cheekbones I'd ever seen.

"Tommy?"

He opens his eyes, well the one that wasn't swollen. When he saw it was me he let out a relieved sigh.

"I"ll get you some help Tommy, ok? I'll… try to…"

I was trying to lift him up. He was heavy, but I managed to balance his weight and dragged him home. It took me ten more minutes then usually, but I finally made it! I open the door and cry out to Celeste.

"Celeste, Celeste! Please, hurry up!"

I finally am able to drop Thomas on the couch and I can hear him groan in pain. Celeste arrives followed by James panicked and they see Thomas laying on the couch.

"What happened?" Asked James while he helped me to settle Thomas in a more comfortable position.

"I don't know. I was walking home from work and just heard grunting. When I got closer I saw him and… you need to help him, Cil."

She nods and get her tools from her room. While she does that I free Thomas from his coat and vest and he winces in pain.

"I'm so sorry Tommy. So sorry. Cil will take care of you ok? She will make it feel better."

At that moment, Cil comes back and is holding a syringe.

"The morphine will numb the pain Thomas-"

"No!" He says painfully.

Cil looks at me shocked.

"Thomas, if you don't take it it will be very painful-"

"No" he interrupts me.

Celeste rolls her eyes and then preceded with her magic. She rips open his shirt with scissors and James places all her tools on the coffee table. She tasks me with cleaning the blood on his face so she can see what she needs to attend first. With my warm cloth filled with alcohol I tap it on Tommy's face. His jaw tenses but I keep going, knowing that we needed to act fast in case something was really bad. Once I was finished, we could see the damage. His lower lip was cut open, his left cheekbone was starting to turn a deep purple and his left eye as well. He had a deep cut on his right cheek also.

"Not too bad. I will need to attend to his ribs, I think some are broken. Could you clean his wounds on his face, Em? I'll be working on his ribs. James, honey, hand me the stethoscope, please."

I jump in action trying not to think that it was Tommy we were working on right now. But it was really hard not to when his right eyes was looking directly at me. I tried to smile at him but it was so forced that it was painful. He finally closed his eyes, but not before holding my left hand. My heart squeezed and I kept cleaning his wound as well as I could with only my right hand. After an hour of working, Cil announced that it was all we could do. Now, he needed to rest. So, James went to call the Shelbys and John, Arthur and James hurried back to carry him to his room. I followed behind, holding his coat, vest and destroyed shirt. Inside the Shelby home it was chaos. His Aunt Polly was trying to shush the younger Shelby who was crying, confused to see his strong older brother unconscious. Once they settled Tommy and the little Finn, the Shelby brothers thanked James and the latter went back home. Not before he threw me one last glance. The Shelbys were looking at me.

"How did you find him?" Asked Aunt Polly.

I explained everything and once I was finished Arthur hit the table real hard angrier than I'd ever seen him. He disappeared in the kitchen.

"I need to go back home Pol. The kids…"

"Go Johnny, go. Come back in the morning. Family meeting." She said.

He nods and stands up.

"Thank you Miss Thompson. For bringing him back."

I nodded, not knowing what to say and he left.

"You can bring that to his room, hon." Said aunt Polly pointing at Tommy's clothes.

I nodded and went upstairs. His room was the one furthest to the left and I entered as quietly as I could. It did no good because he was awake. I closed the door behind me and we looked at each other for some time.

"Who did this, Thomas?"

He didn't reply but looked at me some more. He looked on his bed table. He was looking for his cigarettes.

"Celeste said you aren't allowed to smoke during your recovery." I state.

He looks me dead in the eyes, not amused. I sighed and put his clothes on the chair of his desk and look back at him.

"Come."

His voice was raspy and I frown. I walk to him and sit on the bed, trying not to move him.

"Don't waste your strength on me, Tommy. Save it."

He takes my hand and pull it towards him, to force me to get closer. I do, still trying to not disturb him. He puts his hand on my cheek and look at me. I try not to cry from the intensity of his stare and look down at our joined hands.

"Beautiful." He says with his raspy voice.

I look at him, shocked. He doesn't say anything more but tries to lay down. I help him and eventually he finds a comfortable position on his back. I was about to stand up, but he pulls me down with him. I obliged not wanting to cause him more distress. He holds me close to his side and I bury my face in his chest trying to hold the sobs that are pushing to get out. He caresses my back with his fingers and I can't hold my sobs anymore. It was too much. Seeing him lying in his own blood, so close to death. He held me even tighter and I felt his lips in my hair, kissing me tenderly.

"Don't you ever do that to me again, Thomas Shelby."

He kisses my forehead and I let out a long sigh.

The morning light woke me up. I was in an unknown room with a dark wallpaper. I was warm, very warm and could feel someone's breathe on my neck. That's when I remembered what happened yesterday. I bit my lip thinking of the warmth of Tommy's body. I felt good, safe and butterflies were flying like crazy in my stomach. I took a deep breath to calm down, but it didn't help. As if he could hear my thoughts, I felt Tommy's hand slide up from my waist. It glide on my body touching every curve, every valley of my body and finally landed on my breast. My breathing got shallow as his hand rested there for some time before he lightly squeezed it. A slight moan escaped my lips without me realising it. _What are you doing, Em. this is not ok! _I try to get up from the bed, but Thomas holds me tighter.

"Thomas." I say as I push his hand away from my breast.

I hear him grunt and look behind him at his sleepy face. That's when I realised he was asleep the whole time. It took sometime for him to wake up, but then he looked directly at me. Something was different, though. His eyes were… more open. So clear and honest. He finally smiled at me… like a real smile and my stomach clenched. He let his head fall back on the pillow and held me even closer to him. That's when I felt it. I mean his… erection. I didn't know what to do. I felt a chill run down my spine and couldn't move.

"Good morning." Tommy whispered in my ear.

At my lack of response he lifted his head and looked at me, frowning.

"Is everything alright?"

I don't look at him, embarrassed.

"I… your…"

He looked perplexe for a moment and then understanding flashed in his eyes. He allowed some distance between us and I let out a sigh.

"I didn't want to embarrass you, Emma."

I look at him. He is still frowning but I can see his concern in his eyes. I timidly smile at him and sit down. I need some distance to clear my head.

"It's ok…"

"But you're not."

He tries to sit down, but I can see in his eyes how painful it is.

"No, Thomas. You will make more damage. Just… stay on your back."

With my help, he reluctantly lay back down. He is frustrated. I can see that. His jaw is locked and he glares at the ceiling as if it had committed the most terrible deed. I caress his hair softly.

"You'll get better, Tommy. But first you need to rest-"

"I can't."

All tenderness was lost in his voice.

"You don't have a choice, Tommy."

He looks me dead in the eyes.

"I always have a choice."

I look at him confused by his changing mood. I let out a frustrated breath and get up. My dress was all wrinkly and it didn't help my sudden sour mood.

"You always do that." I whisper to myself.

"What was that?"

I turn around to find Thomas looking at me with murder in his eyes.

"I said, you always do that."

He squints his eyes.

"And what is that?"

"You pull me in. No, you lulle me in and then punch me out."

He looks at me and says nothing.

"No response, Mr Shelby?"

He still looks at me, dead in the eyes. I approach him and stand just beside the bed, towering him.

"But this time, I won't allow you to do it. Tell me, Tommy. What is it?"

He looks at the ceiling not answering. But I could see it. He felt weak and he didn't want me to see him like that. I get on the bed on all fours and stand just above his body. My legs and arms on each side of his body and my face just above his. I search his eyes, trying to get him out of the hole he slid in.

"It has worked for you so far, this persona. Tough and strong Thomas Shelby. Tommy the gang leader… but you are just a man, Tommy and you have a body that sometimes can't follow your genius brain and it's ok. You need to take care of it and you need to understand that it doesn't make you weak or less of the strong man that you are."

His eyes are humid and he can't look at you.

"If you want, I can come and change your bandages, so that no one else sees you like that. What do you think?"

He nods, looking at the ceiling. I nod.

"Ok, I can do that for you."

He looks at me. His eyes are back to their usual state, but I can see how grateful he is. I stand back up and straighten my clothes.

"I need to go, Tommy. I'll be back tomorrow to check on you. Rest, Thomas."

He nods and look back at the ceiling. I exited his room with a heavy heart. Was that a glimpse of the broken man Thomas Shelby really is?


	8. Chapter VIII

Chapter VIII

A week after Thomas' accident he was back to business. I tried to persuade him not to but he wouldn't listen saying he had important business to take care of. During that week, I was surprised to see a sort of bond bloom between Polly and I. She was a mother figure and she even surprised Cil and I when she showed up on our doorstep with cake to share. We had a great afternoon talking and drinking tea. John and Arthur were now my personal bodyguard also. At the Pub, they were always ready to scare off men that were a bit too affectionate towards me. It was really sweet of them. And now that Thomas was back on his feet I hadn't seen him for a while. Johnny said that he was in London but made me swear not to tell Tommy that he told me. Said Tommy didn't want me mixed with all of this. Arthur seemed to agree. I… didn't really want to know what he was up too, but I was curious.

"Is Harry in?"

I looked up at the sound of the feminine voice. It was a woman my age. Blond with a heart shaped face. Her eyes were blue and her lips painted red. She looked out of place with her expensive coat and hat but it was her irish accent that surprised me the most.

"Harry isn't here. He got the day off." I say frowning.

What did she want with Harry? How did she know him? No offense to Harry, but she seemed a bit too high class to mingle with the likes of Harry.

"Did you want to leave a message for him?" I ask politely.

She was looking around the place and finally her eyes fell on me. She looked at me up and down and I could see the judgement in her eyes. She smiled at me and it was the fakest smile I'd ever seen.

"It won't be necessary, thank you."

She turned to leave, but stopped, looking back at me.

"There is a stain on the floor. Make sure to do your job properly."

And she left like that. What the hell? Who does she think she is? I continue cleaning the glasses frustrated and didn't see how everyone in the pub had been looking at the exchange nervously.

After I closed the Garrison, I made my way to the Shelby house. The interaction with the woman was still on my mind but I tried to push it away. Seeing Thomas would probably help cheer me up. Or so I thought.

Polly let me in with a motherly hug and directed me to the betting shop. Thomas was in talking with John. When he saw me he made a sign with his head toward his office and I let myself in after smiling at John. I put my coat on the chair in front of his desk and look around. His ashtray was full as usual and I emptied it, rolling my eyes. I placed it back on his office and that's when I saw it. The letter. I frown and took it without thinking. The writing was light and sophisticated addressed for Tommy.

"John is a pain in the ass."

Thomas had entered his office blowing smoke. I turned to face him, the letter in hand. He saw it and froze. His eyes were icy and locked on the letter. He then walk faster than I thought a human could go and snatched the letter from my grasp. He threw it in the fire of the chimney and stayed like that. Watching it burn.

"Who was it from, Thomas?" I ask shakily.

"Since when do you go through my stuff?"

His voice was cold and accusatory.

"I wasn't. I was just-"

"I didn't give you permission to go through my stuff."

"It was right on your desk! I wouldn't call that going through your stuff, Thomas."

Now I was mad. He didn't answer my question. He turned to face me.

"Why are you here?"

I look at him shocked by his tone.

"You know what? Forget it, I don't need that right now."

I took my coat from the chair and turned to exit but he took my wrist in his hand. It wasn't forceful, but he put just enough strength to stop me.

"Emma…"

He pulls me to him and hold me tenderly. I close my eyes, still mad. _He is not going to get away with it. This attitude needs to stop._ But I feel my heart melt as he caresses my back with his hand and he kisses my hair tenderly.

"I'm sorry I overreacted… the letter is nothing."

_Then why did you burn it?_ But I didn't say it and I swallowed the uneasy feeling. Tommy let me go and looked at me.

"How was work today?"

I let out a breath and closed my eyes.

"It was okay. Harry had the evening off, so I opened and closed."

He sat on the chair in front of his desk and made me sat on his lap. I felt myself blush. Sometimes he did things like that and I didn't know how to react. We weren't a couple, but… he acted as if we were sometimes.

"I need to go to London for two days."

I look at him surprised. He never shares where he goes.

"I want you to come with me."

My jaw drops without my consent and I close my mouth self consciously.

"But… I can't leave like that? What will Harry do?"

"He'll do like he did before you came around."

I wasn't convinced.

"Emma, I want to take you on a proper date. In London, where there is jazz music at every corner. I want to see you in the night lights of London's streets."

I smile at him. A proper date. I nod my head smiling. He smiles back at me and stand up with me.

"Prepare your best dresses, we're leaving tomorrow."

When I returned home and told Celeste about London, she was not as excited as I thought she would be.

"London? Why go so far?"

"He wants to take me to listen to jazz music. Live jazz, Cil!"

She doesn't seem happier.

"I thought you wanted us to go on a date, Cil. I thought you would be happier…"

She sighs.

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just that… he doesn't have to take you miles away to go on a date with you. I'm just worried that's all."

"Nothing to worry about Cil."

She nods and smiles at me.

"So finally you got a special occasion!"

I laugh at her. I can't wait for tomorrow.

In the morning, I wake up with butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't wait for our date. I prepared myself for the trip a smile glued on my face the whole time. Celeste helped me arrange my hair in the popular style and she kept blabbing about how I needed to be safe in a big city like London. Even if she tried to pretend, I could see how worried she was.

"Don't forget to call me when you get there and tomorrow morning."

"I'm not a kid anymore, Cil, and you are not my mother." I joked.

"I know, I know… don't forget, Em, God is always watching."

"What the hell, Cil?" I say shocked.

"I'm just saying. Thomas Shelby is not the most pure man and _you_ are a good christian girl. I just don't want you to compromise anything."

I bite my lips nervously. It did make me nervous to spend the night away with Thomas. When I was with him it seemed like I forgot a lot of things.

"I won't, Cil." I say when she was finished with my hair.

We heard the horn of Tommy's car and Celeste rolled her eyes.

"He could at least be a gentleman and come pick you at the door."

I ignored her and take my bag downstairs. James had left for work already and had say goodbye already. I opened the door to see Tommy leaning on his car, cigarette dangling from his lips.

"One last hug." said Celeste while she hugged me.

I hold her back and smile when she lets me go.

"I'll call you!" I say as I approach Tommy.

He meets me halfway and take my bag from me. He kisses me on my temple and tips his hat at Celeste. He opens the car for me and I jump in. As he starts the car I look back at Cil. she looks worried and I smile at her encouragingly. She smiles back and off I go.

The journey wasn't as long as I thought. Thomas was telling me about the many bars he went to there and how wonderful it was. He seemed so free with his unburdened smile. We chatted about John and his children also. He was struggling to keep them off the streets. Without a mother they were the wildest child I had ever seen.

"I could help out sometimes if he wants." I finally say.

Thomas looks at me.

"I never thought of that."

I look at him not convinced.

"Oh, please Thomas. The only reason you brought that up is because you know I have time during the day."

His grin is so precious that I can't help myself to kiss him on the cheek. He looks at me for some time and then place a hand on my thigh, squeezing. I bite my lips at the clench of my stomach. _Remember, Em. God is always watching._

When we arrive in London, it was starting to get dark. Thomas parked in front of a townhouse in a really good neighborhood.

"Come on, we're here." He says as he exited the vehicle.

I look at the house shocked. He opens the door for me and I get out.

"It's yours?"

He nods.

"Bought it a few days ago. I offered Ada to take it, but she's stubborn."

"Ada?" I ask.

We got to the front door.

"Right, you never met her. Ada is my sister but she wants nothing to do with the Shelby name, so she moved to London. No luck for her, cause the Shelbys are coming to London."

I didn't comment on that and entered the house. The ceilings were high and everything looked expensive. There was a seating room wit a dining room attached. Further in the corridor, I could see the kitchen through the open door.

"The rooms are on the second floor." he pointed to the stairs at my left.

We took it to leave the bags in the bedroom. The bedroom had a huge bed in the middle and curtains around it. Through the window I could see the street. The bathroom was attached to the bedroom and in it there was a huge bathtub with taps!

I heard Tommy enter the room and joined him. I sat on the bed smiling.

"I love it."

"I'm glad." he says while he put down my bag on an armchair. "We should get ready. The reservation is at 5:30."

I nod and he exited the room, closing the door to give me privacy. I go to my bag and open it. I get the purple silk dress out and lay it down on the bed. I take out the green two pieces lingerie also and lay it down. I bite my lips nervously. Should I put it on? I mean, I didn't bring it for it to stay in my bag, but I was nervous about the implications of putting it on. I shook my head and got change without thinking about it. I applied a little bit of mascara. My heart was racing and I didn't know why. Tommy and I hung out tons back home. What's the difference?

"We need to go, Emma!"

He was at the end of the stairs and when he saw me in my purple dress I saw something flashed in his eyes. I went down the stairs to joined him and he offered me my coat. I slide my arms into it and he opened the door for us. And here we go…


End file.
